Geek-stalgia Alert!

I recently learned of the existence of a couple of sites devoted to old PC games: Abandonia.com and DOSgamesarchive.com. Many of the titles listed on both are "abandonware" and therefore downloadable, free and legal, along with whatever copy-protection, manuals, maps, etc. accompanied the original.

[This is the part where I gesticulate excitedly while stammering.]

I can't explain the significance of this discovery without going into a little personal history. If you are not prepared to indulge me in reminiscence, feel free to move along.

My teen years revolved around PC games, from the day my mom and I got our hands on a pile of 5.25" shareware floppies in the mid '80s. Those first games were terribly disappointing. There was the one with the parrot, mostly designed to show off the amazing 16-color capabilities of the IBM PCjr. If you pressed certain keys, the parrot would shriek, "Awk!" and "Don't touch me!" in a jarring digitized voice. Then there was Donkey: you are driving a racecar down a two-lane road, bird's-eye view, no scenery. You cannot alter your speed; the road blips past one slow pixel-chunk at a time. All you can do is change lanes. Left lane, right lane. Occasionally, there is a donkey in one of the lanes. The goal is to not hit the donkey, and also, to not die of boredom.

The old Speak 'n Spell looked pretty exciting compared to these. But better stuff was out there, and it was just a matter of time (weeks, actually, if memory serves) before it would start trickling down to us.

The shareware library of the local IBM PCjr Club brought us many treasures: Snipe and 3-Demon, free clones of Space Invaders and Tetris. And of course there were the text adventures, even the simplest a dazzling improvement on those disappointing Choose Your Own Adventure books. I never solved a one of 'em, but I loved the exhilarating feeling of exploring new worlds.

But things really got exciting when Mom and Dad okayed actually spending money on games. I scoured the computer magazines and studied game reviews like I'd be tested on them. Adventure games were my passion, entered through that blocky King's Quest portal and pursued through numerous clunky titles, all the way to the pinnacle of that lost genre, The Secret of Monkey Island, and beyond. And there were delights and marvels to be found in other genres, countless gleeful hours spent playing Pirates! and Lemmings and Wing Commander.

These games were where I lived, during the endless torturous years of adolescence. Riding the bus, sitting through classes, eating dinner, I was playing them in my head, trying to work out the next puzzle, having conversations with their characters. They eased my teenage malaise, but yes, Mom and Dad, they also taught me some really useful stuff. From SimCity I gleaned rudimentary but valuable lessons in urban planning, and from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego I learned what the World Almanac is for. Rocky's Boots taught me boolean logic more clearly and memorably than any math class ever did, which saved me a lot of grief in library school. And what I know of Caribbean geography, I owe to that Pirates! map.

But my early experience with computer games always had a flavor of scarcity to it. We had to wait for shareware to trickle down to us through people with modems, we had to wait until the prices of new commercial games dropped, and we had to wait for Mom to soup "Junior" up with yet more power and peripherals to keep up with the software. That machine got more tricked out than its creators ever imagined possible. Even so, the acquisition of a new game was often followed by howls of frustration: "Mommmm! It doesn't worrrrrrk!" ...whereupon she would, more often than not, drop everything and go poke around in DOS until the software would either behave properly, or be declared a lost cause. What with one thing and another, games were, in those days, rarely easy to come by.

And therein lies the irony. Now, thanks to the Internets, I have an endless wealth of games freely available to me, including the stuff I played way-back-when, including the stuff I wished I could play way-back-when and couldn't, including two decades' worth of shinier, newer things. And now, spending time on these things seems not like a welcome relief from a drab existence, but like a terrible waste of precious free time that could be spent on more fruitful pursuits. My adolescent self would not get this.

Seeing as how so many of my old favorites are now freely available, I have finally faced the box of "classic" games and pared it down to a few essentials. Now I have a stack of old PC games that are about to be homeless, and should theoretically run just fine with the help of an emulator. If you're geeky enough to have read this far, who knows, you might possibly be interested in what I'm getting rid of! Or... not. But I hate the idea of throwing old treasures away when there's a chance someone I know could use 'em. So if you want any of these vintage delights, just say the word and they're yours. I might even ship 'em if you ask nicely.

Pirates! Gold 3.5" floppies, DOS, in box w/manual.*
Lords of the Realm II CD, 95/DOS, in box.
The Lost Treasures of Infocom 3.5/5.25" floppies, DOS, in box with maps, guidebook, hintbook.**
(Contains Zork 1-3, Beyond Zork, Zork Zero, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Planetfall, Stationfall, Enchanter, Sorceror, Spellbreaker, Moonmist, Witness, Deadline, Starcross, Suspended, Suspect, Ballyhoo, Lurking Horror, and Infidel.)
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail CD, 95/DOS, in box.
Tropico CD, 95/97/2000/ME/NT4, in box.
Tropico 2: Pirate Cove CD, 98/ME/2000/XP, in box.
Ultima Collection CD, 95/98/DOS. No box, but map book/reference card.*
Grim Fandango CD, 95/98. CD case only.
The Manhole CD, Win?, CD case only.
Goblins Quest 3 (a.k.a. Goblins 3) 3.5" floppies, DOS, no case (manual & discs only).*
SimCity for Windows 3.5" floppies, Win/DOS, no case (manual & discs only).*
Tetris/Welltris/Faces-tris 3.5" floppy, DOS, no case (manual & discs only).**

* This game is available to download for free on Abandonia.com, so yeah, you probably don't need the hard copy either. Sigh.
** Some (not all) of the games in this set are available free on Abandonia.com.